18th Life Day Party
by LPK9
Summary: Darth Vader is invited to a Life Day Party. AU, 18 years after the formation of the Empire. Crack fic.
1. Chapter 1

Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, strode rapidly down the main corridor of the administrative wing of the Royal Palace of Aldera, the capitol city of Alderaan. It was the end of the working day, and more than one sentient halted in fear at the sight of an enraged cyborg marching rapidly toward the offices of the Heir of Alderaan, Princess Leia Organa.

He took a hard left and then a quick right and stopped briefly before the door of the young woman's private administrative quarters. It was the work of a moment to unlock the door, and a moment later he swept into a large, comfortable waiting room where Leia Organa was seated on a blue chair, her feet propped up on a stool. Vader noticed, peripherally, that a male human was standing with his back to a window through which loomed the mountains of Alderaan.

Vader took a menacing step toward the girl. If she knew where_ he_ was ...

Leia Organa removed her feet from the foot rest, rolled gracefully to her feet, glared at Vader, then turned to face the young man by the window.

"I don't believe it," the woman stated incredulously.

"That will be 100 credits, Leia," the youth replied in a tone which could only be described as smug.

Vader froze in confusion before turning to inspect the young man. He was very young – only in his late teens, slight, short, blue eyed, with dark blond hair.

"I don't believe it," Organa repeated, this time furiously. She marched over to a bag sitting on a nearby table, rummaged around inside for a moment, then threw a credit chip to the young man, who caught it with a grin. She shifted her slight form and took a menacing step toward the Sith Lord.

"How dare you have listening devices in my offices, Lord Vader," she snarled, lifting a finger to shake it angrily. "What kind of government is this? How can you possibly justify this? I mean, I know, you're an evil Sith Lord working for a devious and tyrannical Emperor, but_ really_? This is a total outrage. Where are the devices in this room? I want them out!"

Vader almost took a step back at her indignation before remembering who he was. Sith Lord. Second in command of the Empire. Perhaps the most powerful Force Sensitive in a millennia. How dare this slip of a girl yell at him?

"Where is Kenobi?" he demanded in his most menacing tone.

"We don't know," Organa snapped back.

Vader tamped down his fury with difficulty, "You mentioned him in this very room only 17 minutes ago, Princess."

"That was Luke's idea," the girl replied with a huff, turning towards the young man who was gazing raptly at the Dark Lord.

"When you showed up unexpectedly in orbit around Alderaan this morning I took it as a sign," 'Luke' explained unhelpfully. "I mean, what are the odds of that just happening? It has to be Fate."

"Destiny," the princess interpolated in a snarky tone.

"Or destiny," Luke continued agreeably. "Leia didn't agree so I suggested we see if you'd show up if we mentioned Kenobi's name a few times. I mean, _I_ knew you had listening devices here. But if your underlings actually told you, and if you decided it was worth your while, you'd come quickly. I bet her you'd be here within 30 minutes."

"Unbelievable," Organa repeated again.

Darth Vader stared at the young man in stunned disbelief which morphed into savage rage.

"You dare to manipulate me into coming here," he hissed, lifting his hand to choke the youth. The boy looked startled for a moment, gasped, and lifted his own hand. A moment later, Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, second in command of the Empire, most powerful Force user of his generation, found himself hurling against a potted plant as a result of the most violent Force push he'd felt ... in his whole life. He crashed to the floor with the force of a concussion missile, and lay there as dirt and leaves and blossoms hurled themselves all over half of the room.

"My flame-lily!" Organa yelped.

"He just tried to choke me," Luke yelled back.

"What did you expect?" the princess demanded, stepping forward and reaching a delicate helping hand toward the flummoxed cyborg. "You know he hates Kenobi's guts."

Vader ignored the outstretched hand and clambered painfully to his feet, his hand grabbing and igniting his lightsaber in an instant.

To his shock and further disbelief, both young people immediately reached toward a flame-rose plant in an alcove. A moment later, two lightsabers flew into their respective hands, lighting as they came. The room, quiet a few minutes before save for the repetitive breathing of the Sith, now buzzed with the sound of red, green, and blue lightsabers.

"Take it easy, Lord Vader!" the boy exclaimed, waving his left hand around even as his right held his blue saber in the classic first position of Form V combat. "I think you've lost enough limbs to satisfy the amputation needs of the entire family."

Vader's mind was a mixture of bewilderment and confusion and (mild) concern, but this remark added baffled to his thinking.

"What?" he asked.

The youth, Luke, frowned, "Didn't I explain that?"

"No, you didn't," the princess interpolated drily. "You've been totally confusing, Luke."

"I'm excited!" Luke replied. "You're the diplomat, Leia! You're the one who is supposed to be able to explain things. I'm just an uncultured farmboy!"

"I didn't think he'd actually come!" Organa argued indignantly.

"Ok, fine," Luke huffed and turned toward Vader. "My name is Luke Skywalker. I'm your son. At the moment, I have all four limbs and I'd like to keep it that way."

Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, second in command of the Empire, most powerful Force user of his generation, stared at the young man with blank incredulity. The boy was young, with a cleft in his chin so much like that of Anakin Skywalker, with blue eyes, and blond hair, like Anakin Skywalker. With the Force sensitivity of Anakin Skywalker ...

"Impossible," he whispered. He was too quiet and the vocoder didn't even respond, so he repeated himself more loudly. "Impossible!"

The youth looked startled, "Why?"

"She ... she ..."

"Oh," Leia Organa murmured, even as she nodded. "Mustafar."

"Oh, yeah," Skywalker replied. The two exchanged thoughtful glances and then both simultaneously turned off their sabers, stepped back a couple of steps, and relaxed their postures.

"Mother survived Mustafar," Luke explained gently. "After Kenobi cut off your limbs and left you to burn ..."

"Which was a horrible thing to do," Organa chimed in. "You are not anyone's favorite human but really, that was unconscionable."

"Absolutely," Luke agreed resolutely. "Anyway, after your, uh, fight ended, Kenobi rushed Mother to Polis Massa and she successfully gave birth there. So yeah, my twin and I were just fine."

Vader noted, vaguely, that his sword hand had dropped and his subconscious had turned off the saber so he didn't chop off his own leg. That was, he supposed, good.

"Twin?" he asked faintly, swaying slightly.

"Didn't I explain that?" Luke asked.

"No, you didn't," Leia replied wearily. "You're totally confusing the poor man."

When was the last time someone had called him a poor man?

"I'm excited! I'm meeting my father for the very first time! I have to admit I didn't realize how very tall he is."

"I told you he was tall!"

"I know you told me. It's just that in the flesh, or the, um, cyborg limbs, it is so much more impressive. I like your cape, too, Father. It's very imposing and it flows in a dramatic way. It's cool."

"He's just trying to intimidate people," the princess argued sullenly. "It's rude."

"Twin?" Vader repeated in a demanding tone. "Where is your twin?"

"Didn't I already explain that?"

"No, Luke, you didn't!" Organa squawked indignantly. "This is some reveal! When you called him in here, didn't you have any plan for explaining the complex family situation?"

"I'm excited!" the youth returned indignantly before turning to his mammoth of a father. "Leia's my twin sister, Father."

"So I'm your female biological progeny, Lord Vader," the princess continued helpfully.

"You can just say daughter."

"It just feels weird to say I'm his daughter. I'm Bail and Breha's daughter."

"You are also Padme and the former Anakin's daughter."

"I know, it's just weird."

"You ... you ..." Vader stated, his gaze now fixed on the Heir of Alderaan. Leia Organa had long reminded him of Padme, slight, dark haired, of rare beauty and with tremendous wit and political skill. But he had never dreamed that ...

"I'm your daughter, yes," Organa said impatiently.

"We already explained that, Father."

The Dark Lord gazed at the young people standing before him. Could it be? Was it possible? The Force was screaming loudly in his ear that yes, these young people were indeed his children. He felt like yelling loudly, or fainting, or blowing up office complexes but right here, right now, he required more information.

"The Organas stole you from me," the Sith accused angrily.

"No, they rescued me," Leia riposted, her glare so much like her mother's that Vader was shaken. "Everyone thought you were dead for quite a while, and the Emperor was sending his minions all over murdering Jedi and Force Sensitives. They hid me from him, kept me safe."

Vader gritted his teeth, dimly aware that the girl had a point.

"And where have you been?" he demanded of his son, whose blue eyed gaze was fixed with intense curiosity on his sire's mask.

"Uh, Tatooine for the first 13 years of my life, sir."

"Tatooine!"

That his son had been forced to endure that disgusting dustball was beyond endurance.

"Yeah, I despise Tatooine," the boy replied cheerfully. "I don't like sand."

"It's coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere," the former Anakin Skywalker said with a slight shudder.

"Well, I don't plan to go back any time soon" Luke commented. "So, can you come?"

Darth Vader bit his damaged lip in confusion, "Come where?"

Skywalker sighed, "Didn't I explain that?"

"No!" Leia said, throwing up her hands in exasperation. "Listen, Vader, today is our 18th Life Day party and since you showed up unexpectedly on Alderaan, and since you came here to my office, I am officially inviting you."

"We both are," Luke chimed in, his face aglow with enthusiasm. "Please do say you'll come! We've never been able to have a party together. We didn't find each other for the first 15 years of our lives and then two years ago Leia had some stupid political thing ..."

"We were assisting famine victims from the first moon of Corellia after the meetle population exploded and ate 20% of the Ebla grain stores ..."

"Ok, that was noble," Luke conceded. "Last year you spent your Life Day with those irritating aunts of yours so I stayed away."

"They aren't irritating!" Leia shot back angrily. "They just have a clue about proper deportment."

"They're proud and overbearing!"

"You acted like a backwards farmboy the only time you talked to them!"

"I _am_ a backwards farmboy!"

"You know you just like antagonizing them. You're much more than a farmboy considering that probably the second best small craft pilot in the galaxy after our father!"

"You're a pilot?" Vader interrupted, eager to learn more about his son and stop the argument between his children.

"Yeah!" Skywalker replied, his Force sense flashing with such rampant enthusiasm that the Dark Side inside Vader quivered with repugnance. "I mean, I'm not that good ..."

"He's insanely good," the princess stated firmly, her pride evident. "I've seen him negotiating asteroid fields to ... well, I guess we shouldn't tell you why he was in an asteroid field, but he didn't get blown up at all."

Darth Vader shivered slightly. Asteroid fields were supremely dangerous. He was fortunate to not have lost his son before he found him.

"So," Luke said single mindedly, "The party. Will you come?"

Vader gazed at the youth's earnest face, then glanced at the princess, who had her eyebrow lifted in a challenging way.

"I would be honored," the Sith Lord said gravely. "Er, when is it?"

Luke actually jumped with excitement, "It starts in 30 minutes and we're the guests of honor, so I guess we should go!"

Vader blinked, "30 minutes?!"

"Yes, so come on! Leia, put down that stupid datapad."

"I have responsibilities that rarely end, Luke," the princess replied, tapping away rapidly. "Just give me a second."

"And a second will turn into a minute, and a minute into ten minutes ..."

"Ok, Ok, I'm done!"

Luke stepped forward and grabbed Vader's left hand, tugging him toward the door.

Vader lurched slightly at the completely unaccustomed experience of an individual willingly touching and pulling him somewhere. He recovered his balance before toppling and followed his son out of the office and back into the corridor.

"Look at the sunset!" Luke exclaimed, dropping his father's mechanical hand and turning toward one of the large windows lining the corridor.

Leia Organa halted and smiled in amusement, "Luke, you were the one in a hurry."

"I can take 10 seconds to enjoy something so gorgeous."

"I've only been to Tatooine once, as you know, but I thought the twin sunset was quite amazing."

"Are you kidding? It's just so bland with the endless sand and the lack of clouds. I mean look at the twilight - reds, blues, purples, even a hint of green over there ..."

"But only one sun."

"Why were you on Tatooine, Princess Leia?" Vader demanded. It was bad enough that his son had been stuck on that vile planet for the first 13 years of his life. Had his daughter willingly traveled there?

"Well ..." the princess murmured, even as she grabbed her brother's arm and began walking down the corridor. Luke and Vader followed.

"Um, Leia came to help me, uh, take out Jabba the Hutt," Luke explained, shooting the Dark Lord a glance and smiling nervously. "Some of my friends were suffering from the water tax and I just decided, hey, this old slug needs to go ..."

"So we went in with a couple of associates and blew up his private refresher when he was in it," Leia continued.

"Which was a little rude, I guess," the youth admitted. "Not very distinguished."

"I don't think it really matters," the princess replied irritably. "I mean, he was dead. Why would he care whether he was in his refresher or in his Throne Room? His disgusting sycophants didn't seem to care."

"They totally cut him into pieces and threw his remains into the rancor pit!" Luke said with a grin.

"Which makes me think that they hated him as much as the Tatooine settlers did," the princess commented.

"I am certain they did," Vader murmured, his mind racing. He had heard that Jabba had died, but his children were responsible? His children? He had children. It was impossible, beyond belief, but he knew that it was true. It was true. He had not murdered his unborn ... children on Mustafar. All that he had thought was true about Mustafar was a lie.

Except for the losing his limbs and falling in lava part. That was, regrettably, not a lie.

But Palpatine had obviously manipulated him. He had not in fact killed Padme in his rage at her perceived betrayal.

His children had survived birth.

Wait.

Wait, what about their mother? What about Padme? What had happened to her?

Was it possible that ...

That ...

That she was still alive as well?!

He opened his mouth to ask, closed it, opened it again, closed it.

His children would tell him the truth, he was certain.

But did he really want to know? For this brief moment, he could cling to hope that his Angel was still spreading her bright light in this dark galaxy.

Before he could decide whether to ask, Leia keyed in the code to a door which opened into a large room, a meeting room of some kind, decorated with red and blue stalisti flowers, with streamers, with 'Happy 18th Life Day Party, Luke and Leia!' banners."

There was a cry of joy from his left and he turned, as if an automaton.

She was still gorgeous, her dark hair flowing down her petite frame, her face alight with amazement and delight.

"Anakin!"

_Author Note: 3 chapters total on this one. I mean it. I mean it! :-) Thank you, dear husband, for editing yet another fanfiction!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Assembly Room_

_Royal Palace_

_Aldera_

_Alderaan_

"Anakin!" Padme Skywalker cried out in delight, and threw herself at his broad, instrument laden chest. "Oh, Anakin, what a wonderful surprise!"

"Padme," Vader croaked out. "Padme, you're alive!"

"Didn't I explain that?" Luke Skywalker asked in a puzzled tone.

"I'm afraid not," Leia continued, looking apologetic, "and I didn't either. I'm sorry. We forgot to tell him, Mother."

The cyborg was actually wobbling slightly and Padme stared at her husband in concern, "Anakin! Are you all right?"

"I think he's just shocked," Luke explained, moving forward and helpfully guiding his stunned progenitor to a nearby couch. The Sith collapsed in a seated position and the couch groaned in protest, but held.

"I'm so sorry," Luke continued in contrite tone. "I was just so excited about Father showing up ..."

"He just showed up?" Padme asked curiously, dropping to her husband's side and winding a comforting hand through two of the great fingers.

"Yes, he just popped into Alderaanian space a few hours ago and proceeded to terrorize the Alderaanian ambassador to Imperial Center, who happens to be here at the moment," Leia explained in a sunny tone. "Luke and I had an argument about whether Vader would want to come to our Life Day party, and also whether we wanted him here. Luke suggested we test the situation by mentioning Kenobi a few times in my private office and sure enough, Vader showed up within 20 minutes."

"Ah, yes, Kenobi," Padme muttered, her beautiful face taking on quite a frown. "That was really quite dreadful of him, Ani. I'm sorry."

Vader's neck was twisted uncomfortably so that he could keep his scarred eyes on her beautiful face.

"It does not matter, Padme. You and our children are alive. It does not matter."

Padme looked surprised and delighted, "Are you really glad to see us?"

"This is the best day of my life," the Sith averred fiercely.

"Well," his wife said with a grin, rolling to her feet, "then this had better be the best party of your life too. Come on, help me tape up those streamers that keep coming down; you can put that height of yours to good use! Leia, can you make sure your cake is here?"

"Please tell me you didn't actually go with jogan fruit cake, Mom," Luke pleaded. "I don't like that taste."

"But I do!" Leia said firmly.

"You're the one that's lived in luxury her whole life. I'm the poor moisture farmer. I deserve to have what I want."

"Oh please don't pull that 'woe is me, I had to live on Tatooine' card. You just want tooth rotting sweetcake which is enough to make anyone go into a sugar coma."

"Children!" Padme said imperiously, raising her body to her full diminutive height.

Once the twins were quiet, she glared first at Luke, then at Leia.

"One half of the cake is jogan fruit, the other half is sweetcake. There is no reason for this immature display, especially in front of your father. He probably thinks I've raised a pair of callow barbarians."

"They are perfect," Vader said firmly. And he meant it.

Luke and Leia both looked surprised, and then laughed simultaneously. Luke surged forward and hugged his mother, then glanced at his sister.

"We're just giving one another a hard time."

"I know," Padme replied with a slight upturn of her lips, "but your father isn't used to your own particular brand of bizarre twin humor."

Luke shot Vader an apologetic look, "Sorry. Leia and I adore each other."

"I know."

"Mom, Dad!" Leia yelped suddenly, turning to the door as Bail and Breha Organa stepped into the room.

The Organas stepped in with wide smiles which ran away into slack jawed shock at the sight of a 2 meter cyborg.

"Lord Vader?" Queen Breha asked nervously.

"Yes, Anakin is here!" Padme replied in delight.

Bail stared at his former Senatorial colleague, then at Vader, then back at Padme.

"You summoned him without warning us?" he demanded in an accusing tone.

Vader stood up and took a menacing step forward at the man's attitude and Padme put a restraining hand on her husband's chest plate.

"No, he happened to appear on Alderaan a few hours ago, apparently with the intended purpose of terrorizing the ambassador to Imperial Center. The twins decided to invite him to the party."

"It was like fate," Luke stated.

"Or destiny," Leia added with a smirk.

"I know this is awkward," Padme continued in a placating tone. "I mean, you've raised Leia from birth and she is a wonderful young lady, but I do hope you have it in your heart to share her with Anakin as well."

"That is not the most awkward part," Breha pointed out carefully.

Padme waved an impatient hand, "Oh, I know. Choking me and genocide and Dark Side insanity and second in command of the evil Empire. I know. But can't we just put our differences aside for one night to celebrate the twins' 18th Life Day? Can we do that?"

"Of course we can," Vader replied in his most non-threatening tone.

The elder Organas exchanged glances and nodded simultaneously.

"Certainly we can do that," Breha said with a smile. "This is truly a joyful day. This is the first time you two have been together on your Life Day, Luke and Leia. I'm delighted that your father is here, so long as you are pleased."

"It's like a dream come true," Luke stated, his eyes shining with enthusiasm.

"Great. Ani, can you help me with those streamers? The guests will be here soon."

The next hour was completely surreal for the second in command of the Empire. Some thirty guests surged through the doors. Most of them stopped abruptly at the sight of his gigantic form, were soothed by vague comments about Vader's invitation by the elder Organas, and then proceeded to eat, dance, or chat in corners. Half an hour into the affair, the gigantic cake was cut and the assembled guests sang "Happy Life Day to you" to the twins, who blushed and smiled ecstatically. He kindly refrained from singing though he hummed the tune softly enough that his vocoder stayed silent.

It was, he decided, a delightful gathering. There was neither verbal jostling nor vibroblade stabbings, and even the haughty Organa aunts were polite and welcoming to Luke, which indicated the boy had been exaggerating slightly when describing their previous interactions.

"Ani, dance with me," Padme said, suddenly appearing at his elbow.

"I, er, won't that confuse the guests?"

She raised an eyebrow and glanced around, "Don't worry. I'll explain it somehow. It's been too long, darling."

Vader opened his mouth to protest, then shut it. Admittedly he wasn't very limber anymore, but he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't take the opportunity to dance with his wife in his arms.

The ensuing Alderaanian waltz was indeed a little odd. He had always loomed over Padme, but the addition of cyborg limbs meant he was even taller and her head barely reached the middle of his breastplate. But he dug deep for muscle memory and they had a fairly successful dance in spite of his limitations.

At the end, Padme curtsied with a smile and then rose to her tiptoes to whisper into the underside of his great mask, "Thank you, Ani. That was delightful."

He tightened his grip around her slightly, being careful not to hurt her, even as he struggled to manage his cascading emotions of regret (for hurting her on Mustafar), loss (for 18 years apart) and ecstatic joy (for having his wife and children with him).

There was a sudden lurch in the Force and Vader took a quick step back and turned toward the door to the assembly room. The man standing just inside was old and bent, but heartrendingly familiar.

"Kenobi," Vader hissed, his hand dropping to his lightsaber though he did not light it.

"Ben!" Luke exclaimed, hurrying toward the door with Leia, her mouth full of Life Day cake, in pursuit.

"Ben!" Luke cried out again, reaching out an arm to support the old man, who was swaying slightly.

Vader, with Padme clinging determinedly to his arm, walked menacingly toward the man who had left him burning in the lava fields of Mustafar.

"Is he drunk?" Leia asked softly, her nose wrinkling at the pungent odor wafting from the old man.

"Very," Luke said with a grimace, reaching out and plucking a near empty bottle of Whyren's Reserve whiskey from the Jedi's loose grasp.

"Come on, Ben," Padme said in a soothing tone, stepping in front of Vader and grabbing the inebriated sentient's arm. "Let's take you into ... is that a coat closet, Leia?"

"Yes," Leia responded with a frown, even as she shot a look at her parents. Apparently some hidden signal passed between the Organas, because Breha quickly rose to her feet and loudly started a rousing fight song of the University of Aldera. Those in attendance who had attended Aldera State College immediately began booing the queen, and in the tumult the Skywalkers were able to guide the intoxicated Kenobi into a large coat closet, mercifully empty of coats due to the fine weather.

"Sit down, Ben," Luke ordered, guiding the old man onto a bench along one wall. Kenobi staggered and sat, even as he gazed in bewilderment at his now empty hand.

"Where's my whiskey?" he demanded petulantly.

"You don't need any more whiskey, Ben," Luke answered firmly.

"Gotta, gotta drink," the old man said mournfully. "It was today, 18 years ago you know ..."

"I know, Ben," Luke replied gently.

"That we were born?" Leia asked indignantly. "Why is that such a bad thing?"

"No, when Anakin was burned," Padme murmured. "He gets drunk every anniversary of your Life Day and moans and wails and is generally a bad guest. I am mildly sympathetic but I deliberately didn't invite him because I didn't think you needed this."

"So on top of showing up drunk, he's a party crasher," Luke finished with a sigh. "Ben, just lean back and close your eyes and try to relax."

He glanced at Vader and shrugged, "The only thing for him to do at this point is sleep it off."

"You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!" Obi-Wan cried out suddenly.

"And here we go," Luke murmured wearily.

"I left him to burn," Kenobi continued, tears flowing down his face. "I cut off his limbs and left him to incinerate."

"I know," Luke said patiently, calling a hand towel to him using the Force and rubbing it on Obi-Wan's face. "It was a lousy thing to do."

"If I could just see him again and apologize ..."

"He's right here, Obi-Wan," Padme pointed out, gesturing at Vader.

The old man stared at the two meter cyborg and shook his head as if to clear it.

"It's like he's right here," the Jedi said in an awed tone.

"Because he is," Leia replied in a warning tone.

"I wish I could take it all back. I honestly do. If I was ever to see him again, do you know what I'd say?" Kenobi asserted.

"What would you say, Obi-Wan?" Vader snarled in as dangerous a tone as he could muster.

"I would say I'm sorry. Sincerely. I'm sorry that I was bossy, and clueless. I didn't understand your past, I was completely stupid about the visions of your mother dying, I didn't respect your love for Padme, and I left you to burn to death. I was a blind, mean idiot! I failed you, Anakin, I failed you!"

The elderly man leaned over and began sobbing copiously even as he reached out a hand in search of something.

"Where is my whiskey, young Luke? I need my whiskey!"

"You definitely do not need whiskey," Luke replied firmly, then glanced at the rest of his family, "Why don't you all go back to the party? I'll stay with him until he calms down."

"I'll stay with him," Padme ordered. "It's your Life Day party."

"Mom, I appreciate the offer but you're not a Force Sensitive. When he's like this, he sometimes starts throwing things around."

"I will stay with him," Vader asserted authoritatively.

The twins exchanged glances and both shook their heads.

"No," Luke said.

"Definitely not," Leia agreed.

"I know you hate his guts, but he saved my life more than once when I was growing up on Tatooine."

"And I refuse to have you murdering people in a coat closet during our Life Day party!"

"I will not kill him," Vader assured them in as encouraging a tone as possible.

"That seems unlikely," his daughter replied suspiciously.

"Because we know you loathe him."

"Nevertheless, this is indeed your Life Day party. I will not kill him."

"Or chop off any of his limbs?" Padme inquired dubiously.

"Or an ear?" Leia asked accusingly.

"I will not harm him. Now go," Vader intoned, bending his powerful Force will on his family members.

His twins were, he could tell instantly, completely unaffected by Force suggestion and as for Padme, she had always been sufficiently strong willed that the most powerful Force user in the galaxy (which was, in fact, himself) had never had a chance of affecting her decisions. In fact, her natural inclination was to do exactly the opposite of Force suggestions. He remembered that too late.

The diminutive former queen took a step forward and peered intently at her husband, "Do you promise, Ani?"

"Yes," he said simply.

She stared at him intently, seeming to see beyond the mask, then took a step back and turned to the twins.

"It will be Ok, children," she said confidently. "Let's get back to the party."

Vader watched them exit the closet and turned back to face his former master and friend and current nemesis.

"I was a terrible master," the old man stated, weeping.


	3. Chapter 3

_Coat Closet_

_Royal Palace_

"I was a terrible master," the old man stated, weeping.

"Palpatine is worse," Vader replied honestly. This was the opportunity of a life time. A drunk, powerless Obi-Wan who, he could tell, didn't completely understand that Vader was truly there.

"Probably," Kenobi muttered morosely. "I mean, almost certainly. But he's a Sith Lord. You can't expect servant leadership from a Sith Lord. Me, I was supposed to be better than this. I'm so sorry, Anakin ..."

"That name no longer has any meaning for me," the Dark Lord replied stiffly. Though as a matter of fact, he'd been answering to Anakin repeatedly tonight. But it was Padme saying it, and Padme was allowed to say anything.

"Vader," Kenobi muttered. "Vader, Vader, Vader, Vader. It's kind of a cool name, really. It sounds so ... so menacing. It's a good name."

"Thank you?" Vader replied, rather unsettled.

"I should have killed you."

"You did kill me, Obi-Wan. You cut off my limbs and left me to burn ..."

"But I didn't kill you," the old man wept. "I was a coward. I should have plunged my saber in your chest and been done with it. To let you suffer like that? I'll never forgive myself. For years I convinced myself it was because I had to help Padme but no, I'm a coward, a cruel weakling. I couldn't take the final step. You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you!"

Vader blinked his hairless eyelids in astonishment. He had thought all these things over and over and over again in the last 18 years, and every time he had reached new heights of incandescent rage. It was truly bizarre that his old master agreed with him about their interaction on Mustafar.

On the other hand ...

"You saved Padme and my children, Obi-Wan," he rumbled reluctantly. "For that, I am grateful."

"We almost lost her, you know," Kenobi murmured. "She almost died after the birth. The med droids said she'd lost her will to live but I thought that was pretty stupid. This is Padme we are talking about. She could be in the Galactic Dictionary for Passionate Determination. I think it was Palpatine, to be honest. Something Dark Forcey maybe. I don't know. Anyway, her heart stopped and we scurried around and got her back."

Vader shivered in horror. Her heart stopped?

"Was she well afterwards?"

"No," Kenobi replied sadly. "She was in a coma for 10 years. Her family on Naboo secretly took care of her. Then she came out of it, found Luke, yelled at me, found Leia, and now, well, now she's Padme. You know what she's like. Resolute."

"Indeed," Vader replied absently, his dark spirit twisting in horror. Padme's heart had stopped and she had been in a coma for _ten years_. He had attacked her on Mustafar. How much of her suffering was his fault?

Most of it.

"I attacked her," he muttered, wishing suddenly that he could get drunk on Whyren's Reserve. His stupid mask. His stupid damaged stomach which couldn't handle alcohol even if he could access it.

He hated himself for what he'd done. He hated himself. He hated himself ...

But she was alive, and the twins were alive.

"It was my fault," Kenobi wailed. "I stowed away on her ship. She didn't know I was there."

"On the contrary, it was my fault! I attacked her. She had always proved most loyal ..."

"The Dark Side is like that, I guess," the old Jedi stated moodily. "You can't trust your nearest and dearest when you're all Dark Sidey. Of course, I was ... I was a friend and mentor and I cut off your limbs, and left you to burn. I'm so sorry, Ana ...Vader. I'm so sorry."

"Just stop, Obi-Wan," Vader barked. "You are growing irritatingly maudlin. We were both at fault, let us accept that and move forward."

"Al' right," Kenobi muttered, suddenly toppling to one side on the bench. His eyes fluttered shut, and a minute later he was breathing steadily.

Vader's cyborg fingers were incapable of itching, but if they could itch, they would be. His great enemy was lying there helpless and he had a lightsaber at his side.

But he wouldn't. Because he had promised Padme and the twins that he wouldn't murder Kenobi during the twins' Life Day party, because Kenobi had saved his wife and children's lives, because truthfully, Mustafar had been mostly his fault.

There was a cheer from outside the room. Vader walked over to the door and peered out. Luke was glowing in the Force like a supernova as he stared in awe at the box sitting on a table. Around him were clustered a variety of friends and the extended Organa clan, and Leia had her arm slung around her twin, her face alight with amusement.

"It's ... it's wonderful, Uncle Bail and Aunt Breha," Luke sputtered out. "I ... how did you even find it? A Nubian T-14 hyperdrive generator? These are _so _rare; I can't thank you enough."

"It was our pleasure, Luke," Queen Breha replied, her eyes glowing with delight at the youth's ecstasy. "Let's just say we have some contacts. I will warn you that there are apparently some problems with it, but Leia told us that wouldn't be an issue."

"I love to fix things," Luke sputtered, looking, if possible, even more enthusiastic. "In fact, I can tell that the secondary power coupling ..."

"Later, Luke, later," Leia interrupted with a laugh. "It's my turn now."

Darth Vader stared as Leia opened her own box. The girl looked down and lifted out a holopad, which she turned on. A moment later, she had thrown her arms around her Organa guardians (he would not say they were her parents!) and kissed their cheeks.

"Thank you!" the girl cried out joyfully. "An authentic Galactic Republic Book of Laws. I know how hard it was to find this ..."

"And it's also super illegal in the Empire," Padme said cheerfully. "So don't leave it around."

"I won't."

Darth Vader gazed at his children for a long moment, then took a step back and began pacing.

"I need to buy the twins a present!" he stated. They were his precious children! He was rich beyond the dreams of avarice! He needed to get them something appropriately exotic and luxurious. "But what?"

"I know what they would like," Obi-Wan slurred from his supine position on the bench.

The Sith turned and gazed at the man suspiciously, "What would they like, old man?"

Obi-Wan told him.

/-

_Padme's Guest Quarters_

_Royal Palace_

_Aldera_

_Alderaan_

_2 weeks later_

"Anakin!" Padme cried out joyfully, stepping forward to embrace her gigantic monolith of a husband.

"Padme," the Sith breathed. During the last two weeks, he had experienced more than one lurching moment when he'd wondered if it was all a dream. Could it really be true that his wife was alive, that his twins were alive?

Yes, it was true. Padme was here and she now reached up to yank his head down and she planted a firm kiss on his mouth plate. He felt like fainting from delight.

"Anakin, do you mind getting out of the way?" Kenobi said from behind Vader, who was blocking the entrance to Padme's main living area.

Vader obediently stepped forward and nodded toward Luke and Leia, who were standing next to a window. Luke was smiling ecstatically, and even Leia looked welcoming.

"I brought you a present," the Sith stated.

"A present?" Luke asked excitedly. "You didn't need to do that."

"Indeed I did. I missed your infancy, and toddlerhood, and your prepubescent years, your teen years, and 17 Life Days. You need a present from me."

"Well, we can't argue with that," Leia replied diplomatically, watching as a medium sized box floated in behind Kenobi and Vader. It wafted sedately over to a table and lowered with a gentle thump.

"I do trust that you will like it," Vader continued, suddenly nervous. "Kenobi seemed to think so and if he was in error, blame him."

"They will like it," Kenobi stated with a satisfied smile, even as the old man limped over and sat on the couch.

"Are you hurt, Kenobi?" Padme asked in concern.

"I'm fine," the Jedi said with a casual wave of his hand. "Open the box, twins."

"Ok," the twosome said simultaneously.

It was covered in four layers of wrapping paper and Leia insisted that they remove the wrappings one covering at a time. Luke chuckled as the crown decorated first layer gave way to a second layer of bantha cartoons gave way to a third layer of TIE fighters gave way to a fourth layer of starbirds gave way to ...

The last lamination fell away from the box and Luke shrieked in surprise and shock. The polished transparisteel box contained a marble stand and vise on which ...

"Is that, is that ...?" Luke quavered.

"Is that Palpatine?" Leia inquired in delight.

"Yes," Vader intoned.

"His head?" Padme demanded incredulously. "Like his real head?"

"Yes," Vader replied anxiously.

There was a shocked pause.

"You don't like it, do you?" the Sith muttered miserably. "I told Kenobi I wasn't sure you'd really like a decapitated head for your Life Day but he seemed quite certain ..."

"I love it!" Leia cried out, lurching forward and throwing her arms around her startled sire. "You killed Palpatine for us? Really?"

"Of course. He was manipulative and nefarious and Sithly and he would have endangered all three of you."

"Father, thank you so much," Luke replied excitedly. "I admit it was a bit of a shock to come face to face with a beheaded cranium but it's a great present, it really is ..."

"Welcome home, Ani," Padme finished with her glorious smile. "Welcome home."

The end

_Author Note: Many thanks to you who have followed and favorited and reviewed this little story. And thank you, dear husband, for editing in your usual stellar manner._


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